Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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