I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
