nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize