:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
