she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
