she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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