there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
