you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
