apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
