And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
