Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just googled if crying burns calories
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
