Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
