awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
