dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
