Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
