GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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