The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
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That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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