i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
as a side note pls kill me
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
