plz talk dirty to me
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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