The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
