well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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