just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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