when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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