I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
