I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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