Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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