I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize