you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
