Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
