i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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