Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
