i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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