her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize