Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
