we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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