is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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