so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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