she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
