Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
