don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
