What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
