I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
