My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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