So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
