I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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