Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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