This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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