I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
