Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
