Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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