she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
