How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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