This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
