You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
