I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
