Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
