You're completely useless in the revolution.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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