she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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