i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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