gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
