i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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