The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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