porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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