She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
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"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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