guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
