I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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