Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We talked him into tasing himself.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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