Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
