Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
NoShamevember. You game?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
