the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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