I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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