Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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