he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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