You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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