I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
