i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
