We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
