i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet