Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad

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  (443): just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad http://tfl.nu/g8m9
  Replies (3) Good night (751) Bad night (2769)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself

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  (571): final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself http://tfl.nu/96ze
  Replies (70) Good night (7082) Bad night (909)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.

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  (770): I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass. http://tfl.nu/0fum
  Replies (48) Good night (1045) Bad night (3094)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.

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  (612): I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy. http://tfl.nu/yhkq
  Replies (23) Good night (3417) Bad night (1617)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'

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  (920): you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!' http://tfl.nu/st5y
  Replies (23) Good night (3276) Bad night (4013)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  How did the beer even get there in the first place?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  That's not what's important right now

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  (734): Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina? (1-734): How did the beer even get there in the first place? (734): That's not what's important right now http://tfl.nu/17l2
  Replies (30) Good night (3101) Bad night (3964)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?

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  (801): Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman? http://tfl.nu/4t4b
  Replies (9) Good night (3747) Bad night (1160)
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  (530): View more from California

  for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.

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  (530): for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs. http://tfl.nu/et1w
  Replies (16) Good night (3683) Bad night (1032)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.

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  (520): if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am. http://tfl.nu/txlr
  Replies (4) Good night (2064) Bad night (1397)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...

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  (317): His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip... http://tfl.nu/pj0o
  Replies (7) Good night (1742) Bad night (904)
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  (530): View more from California

  Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you

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  (530): Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you http://tfl.nu/bp7f
  Replies (5) Good night (829) Bad night (2148)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals

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  (330): i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals http://tfl.nu/vtga
  Replies (1) Good night (806) Bad night (358)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.

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  (727): We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity. http://tfl.nu/gy6t
  Replies (4) Good night (822) Bad night (258)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.

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  (913): Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito. http://tfl.nu/fh2t
  Replies (5) Good night (626) Bad night (284)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive

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  (+61): who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive http://tfl.nu/gln7
  Replies (0) Good night (804) Bad night (315)

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