Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
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In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?