just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
