how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
