that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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