i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?