I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
