He had some BAD nuttage
It's like cleavage......... but different
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
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I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.