By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
