do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
