P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
birth control should be required to get into college
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
